READ THIS BEFORE YOU BOTHER US.

Look at the tracking link we emailed you. We aren't the post office, and we don't control the postal vans. If it says it's in transit, it's in transit.

Only if it arrived physically defective. If you ordered the wrong size because you lied to yourself about your waistline, that's on you. Give it to a smaller, equally annoyed friend.

Close the browser tab. We don't care, and honestly, neither does anyone else. The world does not revolve around your feelings.

Yes, we love taking corporate money. If you want to dress your entire department in warning apparel, email bulk@notorious.dot. We will give you a discount based on how much we tolerate you.